Hi Boulder. Very sorry for your pain. In my experience, there are rarely adequate words and even less frequently quick fixes for these kinds of spiritual struggles. That said, I feel led to share some perspective with you that perhaps the Lord can use to help you. This is something I have learned the hard way over the years, and honestly am continuing to deal with it right now in an area of my life. Forgiveness, at least in my experience and understanding, is first and foremost a decision of the will. There is not a requirement that your emotions cooperate in your decision to forgive. You can proclaim forgiveness before the Lord with a decision of your will, even as you pour out an honest heart to confess that your emotions are raging against such a proclamation. "God, I'm angry and don't feel like he deserves forgiveness, but I am willing to extend forgiveness as a choice of my will." Sometimes, if we are honest with the Lord, the best we can at the start is tell God we are willing to be willing. I have found that if we make our will the "Engine of the train" and our emotions the "caboose", eventually the caboose will get in line and follow the engine (and honestly for me sometimes it takes awhile for the caboose to follow). Of course, apart from the Holy Spirit and crying out to the Lord in prayer, this can become a futile exercise in self-help. But framed in heartfelt cries unto the Lord, I believe He will honor it with supernatural power that will bring healing in your emotions over time. Sometimes, I think of it in terms of myself standing before God with 2 buttons. One button represents holding onto the unforgiveness (which, by the way, is usually based in something very real and is very understandable) and the other button represents forgiveness. I picture myself standing before the Lord and Him asking me, "Are you willing (based on my will) to forgive _____fill in the blank____?" Would I be willing to push the forgiveness button? And keep in mind, pushing the forgiveness button does NOT mean it was OK and does NOT mean it never happened. It means you are willing to entrust the situation to the Sovereign, Just, Merciful, Righteous Judge of the Universe to deal with in whatever manner He deems best. Feeling like I am rambling a bit here, but I pray the Lord will use this to help you navigate the journey of forgiveness. That journey does not have to wait to begin until your emotions cooperate. It can begin with a moment of honest, raw, genuine decisiveness of your will that you may absolutely feel like NOT doing, but are willing to do as an act of faith in obedience. Grace and peace to you brother. God hears, God sees, God knows! TR Oh, sweet brother, I promise you you’re not alone in feeling that way! My heart breaks for all the pain you’ve been through! My marriage has gone through major turmoil over the years - my husband had several affairs, one of which that I know was physical. There are times when I feel that I’ve forgiven him, but very deep down I know I haven’t, even though I absolutely want to. Forgiveness is something I actually hand out pretty freely, but this has been a major stumbling block for me in many ways. I’m praying for you. Blessed that we have this loving forum back to help us in so many ways! We'll I said some very mean things to my father this weekend. He wanted to see my son and I said no way. There was nothing Christ Like with my comments. My anger is really hostile towards him. Tender Reed I agree with your comments. I'm not sure how to let my anger go its so intense. I have prayed for ever it seems for grace and peace in my life. Ive asked for guidance too no avail Nicole, bless your heart Sis! Boulder 95, you as well. I can honestly say that it took many years to finally be released from my anger. But the point to my sharing my story, was that by God's grace, I was proactive in wanting to save my marriage. Like every man before me, I did not want to admit that a Christian marriage was in such jeapardy. Seems to me as well, that we must also be proactive in wanting to secure a release from anger, our prison! Also I believe that if we do our little part, He will do the rest! A word of warning, the sooner you realize that most of your anger is fed by Satan! Through my won ordeal, I have become familiar with the enemies voice and tactics. He doesn't want to forgive, forget or let it go! TR 
