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Heidi
(@heidi)
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precious siblings, I am at loss for words today but something happened today that shocked me. Between that and everything that I have gone through and continue to go through, I don't want to be part of any church anymore and have no desire for christianity.

I do have one request, if you can say a prayer that I find someone and get married it will make life a bit easier and less lonely for me. It will help me with a lot of things.

I would appreciate that prayer.

I am going to sign off now. I have too many problems with God and Christianity right now that I want to leave it.

love you all.

 
Posted : March 8, 2019 3:48 pm
Vicky's watching
(@flyaway01)
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Prayers coming your way, this world is not our home, but we do have to live here, :rose: I do understand what your saying. Each time my life changes, it's difficult, but I talk to Jesus and tell Him, what is next for me?  After suffering for awhile, a JOY comes in the morning with what He has planned and it's always better than before. My daughter got married again after her son and husband died 8 years ago, then 2 years ago she met someone who we know God sent to her. She would always wonder, how was she going to make it as a single mother with 1 child, my granddaughter who was 10 at the time, but God came thru just in time with a very loving husband and two extra kids, boy & girl. She loves them and they love her to, we are praying for their salvation now. My granddaughter is graduating this May, Oh, what a Lord we serve. So live each day knowing God loves you to and He does have a plan for us all, just believe!

 
Posted : March 9, 2019 3:58 am
(@mechelle)
Posts: 50
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Heidi, I am sure you have gone through a lot and have had a lot of pain in your life.  But don't let your pain cause you to reject Christianity.  Are you rejecting your faith or rejecting joining in a church?

 
Posted : March 9, 2019 5:39 am
Heidi
(@heidi)
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I am not rejecting Christianity. I just don't want to be involved in any churches or life groups anymore.

 
Posted : March 9, 2019 10:10 am
Heidi
(@heidi)
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Thank you for sharing Vicky. Best wishes to your family.

 
Posted : March 9, 2019 10:11 am
Watchman35
(@watchman35)
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Sorry for your pain Heidi.  Praying that the only One who can really know our heart will comfort and encourage you.  Don't give up on the Lord just because people are poops.  We are all so flawed and broken.  Just a word of caution.  With rare exceptions, isolation is the modus operandi of the enemy of our souls.  May the Lord give you wisdom and protect you as you walk through this difficult season.  And don't forget, behold the Bridegroom cometh!  Don't quit now.  The finish line is in sight.  Maranatha!!!

 
Posted : March 9, 2019 11:33 am
Heidi
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Thank you Watchman35.

 
Posted : March 10, 2019 2:07 pm
Benjamin
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Heidi, I wouldn't have you think for a moment that you are alone in what you're feeling.
While I can't speak for others, I can say with absolute certainty that there are many of us here who have been hurt, both within and without churches.

I've been hurt on multiple occasions and had to leave churches in difficult circumstances - the last time, despite the fact that I was in ministry within that very church.  Apparently preachers aren't immune to such things either.

And of course, it's not just about churches; many of us have suffered many things through this life.  But there's something worth remembering - something Chuck Missler used to say: "every day, God provides you with an opportunity to prove that you trust Him."

the book of Romans makes similar points.  Paul says "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us" - and that as we groan and suffer and struggle and persevere, even these things are signs of the coming of Christ; "we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly awaiting the adoption, the redemption of our body".

This world is not what it should be.  Sometimes it is painful - even beyond what we think we can endure.  I have most assuredly 'been there and done that' (though I won't go into that here) - but what my own experience proves, and what the Scriptures resoundingly proclaim, is that Jesus Christ is faithful - and He has not abandoned us to suffer alone.  Not only do we have one another, but we have the Holy Spirit.  He "helps us with our weaknesses, making intercession with groanings that cannot be uttered.  Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God."

Are you suffering?
God knows.  He knows because the Holy Spirit, who dwells within every believer, makes your needs and sorrows and suffering known to the Father - directly.  And so in all of these things, "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who are called according to His purpose."

You may not see the good that God is working in you - but we are all limited by time and space.  He is not.  I have suffered in this life - not as much as others, but far more than some - and yet in all of these things I can say that God is faithful; and that His plan was ever more wonderful and purposeful than anything I had conceived before Him.

...so do not stumble, do not falter, do not fall - He who upholds you will not let go.  Trust Him in all things, and He will make Himself known to you, even now.

 
Posted : March 10, 2019 5:56 pm
Yohanan
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I have been trying to come up with some way to address the hurts presented here, and the hurts of others, too, but I think that was better than anything I could have come up with. It really ministered to me and I pray it did for other's who are suffering as well.

 
Posted : March 10, 2019 6:54 pm
MyWhiteStone
(@mywhitestone)
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I am removing my post here about God's sovereignty and love, admitting it's contextual insensitivity.

Sincerely,

Dan

 

 
Posted : March 11, 2019 11:10 am
Yohanan
(@yohanan)
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This post was off topic and did not offer the requested prayer asked for, therefore I am deleting it.

 
Posted : March 11, 2019 2:02 pm
MyWhiteStone
(@mywhitestone)
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Yes Yohanan. Romans 8:28 has that funny little three letter adjective "all," relative to "things."  Not a few, some, many, or most.  It's all.  Implying sovereignty of the One who works "things."  Note also the reciprocity in who loves whom.  "...for them that love Him,..." And we certainty love Him because He first loved us.

Heidi, you started this thread with a request for prayer.  As sterile and logical as my, and to a lesser degree maybe Yohanan's responses just above may appear, the one thing you and others hurting here should be sure of is that these expressed pains of yours are not being brushed aside.  The requests you have expressed or will express from now until the Rapture, are taken to the Throne.  And God remains sovereign.  And God loves you.  And the Spirit intercedes for you with groans that words cannot express.  And Jesus intercedes for you before the Father too. All these are facts we have on good authority from His Word.  And we intercede for you too, Sister, because we supernaturally love you.  And there's some evidence at least that this RITA Now family is not too dysfunctional.  It's certainly a good place to grow up in.  I'm glad for this reunion.

ybiC,

Dan

 
Posted : March 11, 2019 2:42 pm
Heidi
(@heidi)
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Thank you Benjamin for your kind post. Unfortunately, my pain is beyond what I can endure.

I am also very lonely without my family and can't handle having to take care of everything on my own. I live in an expensive city. I live in an apartment that is not in good shape yet expensive. My work situation is not good. It's always contract positions and every now and then I have to look for work again. I have long commutes to work, sometimes in horrible weather. I have a car but I can't afford the insurance. I am overwhelmed. I thought of moving to another city or another apartment but moving is also so stressful. I don't know where to go from here.

That's why I asked for a prayer that I get married. I know that can have problems of its own, however, I won't have to deal with everything on my own anymore. I will have some security and stability. two incomes are also better than one. I really can't keep taking care of everything on my own and feeling of loneliness and depression keeps getting worse by the day.

 
Posted : March 11, 2019 3:20 pm
Yohanan
(@yohanan)
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Father, we lift Heidi up to you. You know better than we what she is experiencing and how difficult it is for her to endure such trials. i ask Father, that you would give our sister comfort, peace, and knowledge to deal with her circumstances and wisdom to guide her in which way to go. We pray that Your Holy Spirit will cover her, guild her, and give her comfort, as only You can give. Let her feel Your holy Presence in her life and cause her to cling ever so tightly to You. In Jesus Name, the One Who has overcome and is our Lord and Savior

:rose:

 
Posted : March 11, 2019 3:49 pm
(@tenderreed)
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Dearest Heidi, beloved daughter of the living God!  What you describe contributing to your personal frustrations are indeed situational.  As such they indeed can be changed.  I have no other words of wisdom that can make your pain go away.  But, but... I can pray.  And so I shall.

I pray first that the Holy Spirit lead and guide my heart as if I were praying for myself!  Lord God Almighty I thank you for being God and for your heart towards Heidi.  I pray Lord that you intervene in her life, in body, soul & spirit.  As precious as she is to You, I pray that she would also be found precious in her own sight.  Only then can she share herself and her love with another.  Love is forever, life circumstances are indeed situational.  Even so Lord, I pray that you bring a fresh and new anointing into her life.  We all stand as broken vessels before You Lord.  Broken and in need of Your healing touch!  I beseech the compassionate heart of Christ to gather her tears and her fears and to tenderly address the issues of her heart.  Restore her Lord!  Let You lovingkindness embrace her and be passionate with her. Let Your tears Lord mingle with hers, that the Father would be moved to grant her favor in His sight.  Fill her days with hope & thanksgiving.  Let Your grace be her comforter and security blanket.  Bless her in every way that would cause her lips to again offer heartfelt praise and worship to You!  Give her a testimony of thanks that would ring throughout eternity.  And by the blood bought power of the cross, bless her with Your favor and kisses from Your lips.  Because Your goodness Lord is renown, I join Heidi with hope and anticipation of Your love to be shed abroad into the deepest pavillions of her heart.  Reveal Your unending goodness to her Lord, in Jesus glorious and powerful name, Amen.

TR

 
Posted : March 11, 2019 4:18 pm
Heidi
(@heidi)
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Thank you Yohanan.

 
Posted : March 12, 2019 7:45 am
Heidi
(@heidi)
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Thank you for the beautiful prayer TenderReed. It's so good to have you back

 
Posted : March 12, 2019 7:46 am
RitaMay
(@ladymay)
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Amen to all the prayers for you my sis. :agree

(Matthew 18:19) Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father.

 
Posted : March 20, 2019 6:18 am
Heidi
(@heidi)
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Hello RitaMay, It is so good to see you again and hear from you.

Thank you for your prayer and for the beautiful scripture. Wonderful timing for it.

I have a great friend who seems to have so much annointing on him. His prayers are powerful. I haven't been in touch with him for almost a year and I lost his phone number. I prayed that he calls me and he did call me almost a month ago. We are in touch again.

He fasts and prays 2 days a week. I told him I want to fast and pray with him. Today, I am making chicken broth and that's all I am going to be eating. he does the same every Wednesday and Saturday. I asked him if can call me every Wednesday night for us to pray together after we have been fasting. He agreed.

I am hoping with the combination of fasting and praying in agreement with someone whose prayers are so powerful that some things might change.

I am also very grateful for the lovely brothers and sisters on Ritan who pray for me. I know your prayers are very powerful too. I have definitely sensed that.

I love you all.

May God heal us all, protect us and protect our families. May we be at the wedding supper soon enough having a great feast.

 
Posted : March 20, 2019 7:20 am
(@geri7)
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Heidi,

I’m praying for your circumstances to improve and that the employment doors open for a job you will love and that pays well.   Try not to fear and keep your eyes focused on Jesus.  You’re a child of the King and He promises to provide ALL your needs!   These verses are the ones I cling to when the devil attacks with doubt and worry.

Psalm 116:1-2

I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.

Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.

Be still and know that I AM God.

Phil 4:19  But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Matt 6:31-32 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

Psalm 37;25. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

 
Posted : March 20, 2019 7:52 am
Heidi
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Geri, thank you for your prayers and for the verses. They are good.

Yes, I do need a job that I will enjoy. Most of my life, it hasn't been something that I enjoyed or wanted to do (with a couple of exceptions but they were short contract positions)  I would really like to enjoy my work and use my talents. I also need a good pay. Thank you

 
Posted : March 20, 2019 8:00 am
(@geri7)
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No problem, sister.  I”m glad those verses are a comfort to you!

FYI - I’m out of work myself.  The company I was with went bankrupt in 2018.  If the rapture doesn’t happen in April - June of this year ... I’m going to need work as well.  It’s going to take a miracle because I live in a rural area.  If I had known the company was going to go under I wouldn’t have move to this condo.  I’m basically stuck here and too tired to re-pack and move again.  I’m praying we all go upward soon!

As far as wishing to being married to solve your problems - don’t look at Facebook.  Majority of the people that post there are only bragging they have the good life.  They don’t.  Here is an example ... one of my cousins was married to someone who was just out for what little money he had.  She wanted the expensive meals and would post - “hey everyone look where we are dining out yada yada yada”.  Then it was renting a small boat for the day at the Jersey Shore.  They had someone strategically take their picture to look like they were leaving the bay ... but the boat was STILL anchored to the dock and my cousin was puking off the sides of the boat in between photo shots.  Yet his wife posted “hey everyone look ... we are sailing and having the time of our lives”.  So Heidi you are not really missing out ... their marriage ended less than a year.  She claimed to be a believer and just lied to him.  He is glad to be single again and he is a believer waiting for the rapture to happen too.

I know churches are notorious in looking down on the singles and divorced.  I’m sure you faced this to with the “why aren’t you married?”  Then they immediately push the most unattractive guy in front of you with a whole bunch of baggage.  Eek no, thank you.  My aunt was treated badly as well when they asked her where her husband was?  They treated her like the plague when she replied she was divorced.

I have a few college friends who married unsaved men because they wanted to be married and have kids.  They admit they made a BIG mistake and  aren’t happy.

So cheer up and keep looking up because things are not always greener on the other side ... except in heaven!  Woohoo!  And its going to be golden up there as well!

 

 

 
Posted : March 20, 2019 9:03 am
Heidi
(@heidi)
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Hi Geri, thank you for taking the time to write all this to me. I am sorry you are out of work and hope you find something soon. I know how hard it is to move.

I was doing OK earlier today then my manager comes to me and she is not sure about 2 of my classes, if I will continue teaching them or there will be some changes. I am so upset with the constant job insecurities. she mentioned that to me when she dropped by my class and my voice broke a few times when I was teaching. I left the school and have been crying badly all the way home. I also was hoping to buy insurance and be able to get my car on the road and now I don't think I can financially and might have to sell it. I was looking forward to driving it. I am so sick of the  bus.  I am so tired of this life and although all the signs are here, I am not hopeful at all cause we have been wrong in the past and left to rot in this world. I am so tired.

 
Posted : March 20, 2019 5:30 pm
(@geri7)
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Oh no, that would be horrible if you have to sell your car.  I will include that issue in with my prayers for you ... along with that they don’t cut your teaching hours.

Hang in there.  Soon we will leave all this stress and burdens of this life behind.  In the meantime what comforts me when things go horribly wrong is that Jesus knows the end from the beginning and that includes our lives.  He has it all planned out and nothing is a surprise.  We just need to have the faith to trust Him and He will direct our paths.

 
Posted : March 21, 2019 3:34 am
Heidi
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Geri, thank you so much. My manger called me. she said there are 3 classes that I won't have any more as of April  1.

I expected that for my Monday and Wednesday class because it was a long term supply. As for my Friday class, there is no more funding.

She gave me an option of teaching an Enhanced Language Training (ELT) course on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and Saturday mornings for a month or 2 until they find a qualified instructor. I am not qualified because the focus is on IT and I don't have that background.

The only thing is that I already teach a class on Saturday. She said I can have the ELT class for a month or 2 and she will get a supply for my Saturday class so when they have the new instructor, I can go back to my Saturday class.

I am also teaching 4 hours at a private school. They have a ministry inspection on March 26. If all goes well, they will add more classes and I will have more hours. I just thought of something which might bring more students to the school. Will see what happens.

 

 
Posted : March 21, 2019 4:46 pm
(@geri7)
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I’m shell-shocked the school is making drastic cuts like this in the middle of a school year.  They really should of had enough in their budget for the entire year.

Heidi, try not to worry .... because prophetic events are heating up  and now with that announcement of Trump recognizing the Golan Heights belongs to Israel is VERY significant!  There is a VERY good chance we could all be saying “see ya later to the world” in April!   Keep looking up!

 
Posted : March 21, 2019 5:32 pm
Heidi
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Geri, It's not a regular school. These are English classes for newcomers. Most of the classes are in social service/settlment agencies.

I was wondering how significant that is with the Golan Heights. I don't know.

 
Posted : March 21, 2019 6:10 pm
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