I apologize in advance for the lengthy post as I pour out my heart. Needing a place to share and have nowhere and no other human beings to share with. Tomorrow is Father's Day here in America. Honestly, in the natural, I am not looking forward to it. As a kid growing up, I lived with the debilitating pain of rejection for most of my childhood. My dad, due in no small part to some very serious emotional problems he had from a horrifically abusive childhood, abandoned our family when I was five. He proceeded to live for the next 15 years about 30 minutes from me, but chose to have absolutely nothing to do with me or my brother. For those who have never experienced that kind of rejection, the pain and damage that does to a little person's soul cannot adequately be described. Grown adults can objectively process that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my dad, but little kids' minds unfortunately don't work that way. Fast forward more than fifty years. I now have an only who is 24 and just graduated law school. I was far, far from the perfect father, but I honestly think, to the extent that one can objectively evaluate oneself, I was a really good dad. First and foremost, my wife and I brought our daughter up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. She was homeschooled and had an incredible childhood of educational opportunities geared to her learning style, along with extracurricular activities that allowed her to pursue those things she had an affection for. Compared to my dad's relationship with me, my relationship with my daughter when she was growing up was like the difference between day and night. I prayed with my daughter when she felt the need to personally reaffirm her faith in Christ at the age of 5, as the Holy Spirit moved on her in tearful conviction. I coached her Upward basketball teams. I taught her to ride a bike. I was Pa on the front porch steps of our apartment while she was Laura and we played Little House together. I went sledding with her when it snowed. I was there for most of her musical recitals and oral presentations. I played a key leadership role in organizing her homeschool high school graduation when a class of about 75 had a crowd of almost 2,000 people and she delivered one of the student addresses challenging her classmates to make a difference for Christ. Don't misunderstand me. Ours was far from the perfect relationship. The emotional wounds and scars I still carry to this day from my dad had a negative impact in some ways on my ability to be the dad I really wanted to be. But still, we had what I thought was a good and valuable relationship. Now, she lives over 2000 miles away and we rarely talk, unless she needs financial help. And when we do talk, it is superficial with no sharing of the heart. We don't talk much about the things of God and I feel like I have very little pulse on where her heart is spiritually. It breaks my heart and makes me very angry. I was looking forward to being friends with my adult daughter and reaping the fruit of a lifetime of love and sacrifice in parenting. Instead the relationship has been reduced, in my eyes, to obligatory birthday and father's day calls and awkward conversations. I know my battle against Lyme did not help things, when I was unable to work or function very well at all, but somehow I ended up being the bad guy in all of that. Go figure. It would be like getting mugged and beaten for dead, only to have your loved ones withdraw from you because they could not handle seeing someone assaulted. To extend the analogy, sorry that blood makes you uncomfortable, uh, but excuse me, I am the one bleeding here. I have gone to her on multiple occasions with tears in my eyes to essentially plead with her for a deeper relationship, and she says she is interested, but then she just goes back to doing the same thing and living a completely separate life with no phone interaction. I expect she will make her obligatory call to me tomorrow to wish me a Happy Father's day, but there's part of me that doesn't even want to take the call. We will talk about the latest update of my involvement on getting her car repaired for her in California. What I am honestly feeling like saying is, "I love you and I want a deeper, more genuine relationship with you. To share our hearts. But until you want that, stop calling me obligatorily and using me financially." I am not at all sure that is the Christlike thing to do or the way our heavenly Father would treat me. I know I got the short end of my relationship with my earthly dad when I was a kid. I did NOT expect to get pain and rejection again from my own daughter on the back end of this earthly life. I want to scream at God at the top of my lungs...UNFAIR, NOT RIGHT, UNDESERVED PAIN!! Then I think of the cross and remember how unfair that was to God our Father and His Son!!! So I then ask God for grace to do what He wants me to do in my relationship with my own daughter to honor Him. Happy Father's Day to all the dads reading this. If you had a good relationship with your dad growing up and/or you have a good relationship with your kid(s) today, I encourage you to stop and really give thanks to the Lord for that. It is a precious gift that many, including myself, desperately long for in this sinful, fallen world. Of course, all of this pain becomes a moot point if, in His wisdom and sovereignty, God blows that trumpet on Pentecost tomorrow and we are harpazoed. Now that would be the ultimate redemption of Father's Day for all of us. Maranatha, Lord Jesus!!! I would absolutely love to spend Father's Day at Abba's house tomorrow. Let's hope the point becomes moot just as you just fantasize, Watchmen35. I trust that affections, attitudes, and intentions will instantly change between the two of you, even if it's just "soon" and not tomorrow. Hang in there... (as if you had a choice) Thanks for the Father's Day wishes. I’m so sorry for all the hurtful pain you’ve experienced Watchman35. I’ve never had kids so I can’t imagine having a child selfishly act that way, but I do have 10 nieces and nephews (who are believers) that I send gifts/money to for their birthdays, Christmas, graduation, etc. and guess what ... they don’t ever thank me. And its not like I’m expecting them to send a card - just an email would be nice saying “thank you” or a short phone call would be sufficient. 2 nieces I helped raise from toddlers to grammar school before I made the move to Vermont. After working a full day, I would pick them up from the Christian School so they didn’t have to stay for aftercare and gave them their favorite snacks. I would do crafts with them or bring them to the park to play on the swings. If they had Awana I would help them with their Bible verses or lessons and then drive them back to the school/church to attend class. If I was babysitting them on the weekends in the summer, I would bring them to the local pool/park or would treat them to a meal at a restaurant and then bring them to see their great grandparents. All those years of doing that and now they don’t even write or try to communicate. If I do see them in person, once in a blue moon, then they will hug me and reminisce of their childhood growing up years and speak of the fun they had. So that at least gives me joy to hear. It used to bother me though big time with the lack of thank you’s on the gifts/money but I learned to let it go because one of the signs for the end times is ... “unthankfulness” II Timothy 3:1-5 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. ———- Right now I feel like an orphan ... my parents, grandparents, great grandparents are all in heaven so there is no more celebration/get togethers for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and I’m sad now when these holidays occur. But I take comfort knowing that this life will soon be over and all the loneliness and disappointments will be a thing of the past ... the best is yet to come for us believers. :yes: Watchman, I would repeat what Forest said in Forest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get”. My heart hurts for all the things of life that you did not have as a child. I so get it. Not to step on your time, but I had a dad at home and often wished I had not because of what life dealt. My dad was emotionally abusive and cruel. When I accepted Christ as my Saviour, God did an awesome job on teaching me forgiveness. I promised God that if I ever had children, they would never go to bed without hugs and Knowing how much I love them and am thankful to God for them. My husband also came from a highly dysfunctional family, alcoholic mom, etc... but God in His grace, turned our home into an amazing Godly home. I have three great kids, who are now all believers, serving God, grown with families and lives of their own, I don’t see them much, but we do connect often. My Father and Mom, moved in with us two years before he died, it was difficult, but necessary. I have peace that I did what was required of me by the Lord. My childhood taught me so much on how to forgive and love because of Christ, not because of the circumstances that we are dealt. Take heart my brother, soon a very soon, we will get to see our Heavenly Father, maybe even tomorrow. Geri, just an FYI- your family will never know the great person you are, but God does and His reward is far greater.. a bit of personal history, my husband and I were Awana missionaries for 12 years, that word you helped your nephews and nieces learn will not go out void, thank you! looking up! :prayer-hands: :yahoo: Indeed it has been said that we each have our own cross to bear! Seems to me that most of this can be attributed to the enemy. However, the fact that we weren't placed in a perfect world seems to eschew the wisdom of God trying to teach us all how much we need Him and must be fully dependent upon Him in all things. Again, it is His way of testing our hearts. If life here was perfect He wouldn't know how valid our love for Him would be. That said, even after the Millennium with perfection in life and situation many will still not love the Lord for who He is! This is why Satan will be loosed. That all may have the dross of their hearts burned away and willingly choose Christ and His love! I could argue with the Lord about the extent and degree of damage some have sustained in life, but then I figure I'll wait to see the rewards that are awarded! Indeed, every day should be Father's Day when we live to be pleasing to our Heavenly Father! To honor our Heavenly Father is to acknowledge He is why we exist! TR I am truly heartsick as many of you are, that we are still in this realm! That said, the Lord's goodness can never be overstated! Perhaps our call will be made at midnight Israeli time! You can do the math. Hope springs eternal. Our hope is for springtime Lord! Summer is Near! The Lord bless each of your hearts and minister to us all until we hear that call! Bless His holy, glorious and powerful name! :yes: YBIC Always, Tender Reed It is currently 4:30 am 06/16/19 in Israel- they are 6 hrs ahead of EST. The moon will not appear until tomorrow evening into Monday. Last trumpet will be around 3:00 pm EST. I could be off give or take an hour! :prayer-hands: Be encouraged Watchman, the Lord is at work in your daughter and maybe it will take some time and growing for her to recognize the love and effort that you have poured into her and your family. Just don’t give in to despair with her but have faith. God will not let either of you down. God bless you and your family! :rose: Good thing someone has posted on RITAN, thought I might have been left behind. Though the Lord is still at work preparing a place for us I'm sure He can't wait for our reunion as well! As our hearts settle into a more quiet place, let us continue to honor and worship the Lord as we continue to be steadfast in our fellowship here! For on a day we think not! :flyup: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Can't get any more fonder! 😉 May His peace overshadow each of us as we thank the Lord for every breath He gives us! Love & blessings....Tender Reed 
