Hi, Boulder. I don't know if this will help or not, but I'll spout off anyway. I mean well. First, read “you” generically, not you personally. I read a book once, about the addiction of smoking. I would presume its suggestions could apply to any drug addiction, nicotine, alcohol, fentanyl, whatever. There's an addiction spot in your brain where the drug goes. When it gets there it changes your brain so even though you rationally know better, your brain thinks that drug is more important than anything else, health, relationships, paying bills, anything. You can't win an argument with yourself because your brain really believes that. The drug is like a soldier inside the Trojan Horse. Your enemy is not yourself or your perceived failings. Don't waste your time and effort beating yourself up or wailing about such things. Your enemy is the little soldier inside of a drink, or cigarette, or needle. The cigarette or drink may make you feel better for the moment, but that little soldier will attack that spot in your brain and cause all sorts of trouble. That's why you can't have just one, because of the little soldier hiding inside. Don't let him in. Thank you Dan Well, full disclosure, I've been sober in AA for 26 years now. With that said, in my first few months, I was invited (after a meeting) to a Bible study because I had questions about God. It was this very Bible study where I was saved. And I thank God that there was a Christian in the meeting who came up to me, talked to me, and invited me to their study. I try to do the same for others. I tell them about Jesus, invite them to Church, etc. Really, are you that surprised at other people's reaction when you tell them about Jesus? Did you not read that this is the very response Jesus told you it would be? Go into a grocery store, work, walking down the street, your family reunion, your church (yes, you will even get resistance in a Church), talk about Jesus and tell me your overall reactions are different? Rather than gripe, complain, and wallow in self pity, try following the Apostles example and rejoice for being mocked for the cause of Christ. Best advice I can give you is do whatever you feel you have to. But if you only go where Christ is welcomed, you will have a hard time finding somewhere to go. Just hang in there. Sobriety gets better (and easier) but it takes time, faith, patience, and a close relationship with God. Congrats to your sobriety but the mindset that you pray to a made up God of your choice to help you get sober seems incomprehensible to me. It seems child like. But if you dont know scripture and John 14:6 or you dont understand the lambs book of life. It makes complete sense. in my opinion you either believe scripture is the written word of God or your dont. Zeus isnt going to help you get sober. Mother Earth is going to help you get sober. Its comical its even a discussion. Or a rational thought? Did you ever see the movie "Drop Dead Fred" Making up your own God is like making up an imaginary friend. It makes zero sense to me. Im done with AA. Boulder check out Celebrate Recovery - it follows the same 12 steps but is completely centered around Jesus. We remove all the references to "higher power" and replace it with Jesus. The step work is Biblically focused as well. My wife and I started a CR at our church and I went on to be a CR state representative. I've been to AA and NA meetings - very different atmosphere. I'm going tonight. Thanks Todd That's great news, Boulder! 
