Hi everyone. I have been wondering if I should post about this and I think I will. I want to say up front, I have no idea at all if it means anything at all. Some of you all know me from the old board. I am truly a mess of a person and I feel like a real no one in terms of Christianity and stuff. I have learned a ton, from people here, from reading my Bible and watching hundreds of hours of people like Chuck Missler, Dave Reagan, Ken Johnson, Billy Crone, JD Farag, many of whom I found through RITAN back in the day. I learn alot, I feel like I move forward in my walk and I kind of look for a ministry....and that is invariably where I fall apart and begin to get caught up in an inner battle of legalism and license and then I feel so much dumber than people I have read here and on other sites who seem to understand eschatology and theology to a tee, and I kind of lose my focus and then it all starts over. I am a musician and I have tried for years to fit the songs I hear in my head and write Christian music, and I am never very happy with the results. I am not into poppy or sappy music, and I know that music for God is supposed to be about the message, NOT the style or how good the music is, and I struggle with that. Generally I just feel like a totally failed Christian. And I think that is where God keeps me, honestly, because I am so hard headed and weak, it is the only way He can keep me humble. Anyway, I was in a very deep time of study in 2011, just totally devoured with eschatology and Bible study. I began praying daily and nightly for some kind of sign, and that sounds weird now to even me, like really naïve. But I did that for a few weeks. I really felt like it was very, very close at that time....I got a little TOO into the timing of it, in all honesty. I actually had a mini nervous breakdown thinking about it constantly. I went to sleep during this one night and I either had a dream or a vision, I have no idea which. It is still very clear in my mind, much more clear than any other dream I have had since or really even before. I saw a robed hand writing on a chalkboard , doing a long equation. The hand was writing very fast and I was mesmerized by what I was seeing. The hand stopped abruptly and made a line underneath a board full of equations, then wrote 5/21 under the the line and tapped the board next to it a few times to emphasize it was the answer. I can still see it really clearly, very strange. I woke up and it was VERY vivid, shockingly so. This was around the Fall of that year and I got stoked. I thought, that HAD to be a vision, God just told me the date, it is May 21st. I may have even posted it on the old RITAN board, I truly cannot remember it has been so long. I didn't tell anyone I knew or anything, but I did tell some people about Jesus and I remember feeling like a fake because I wasn't telling more people. May 21st of that year came and obviously my anticipation was sky high. Nothing happened. I figured to myself, well, it must be May 21st of next year, or a soon coming year. I got excited around that date for the next two years. Nothing happened obviously and I began to grow more and more anxious about stuff. I was basically addicted to prophecy and studying it at that point. Summer 2013 I had the only other dream that I have ever had like that kind of clarity and again, I still remember it very clearly now . I dreamt that I was in the Vatican, in some kind of large dining area where it was all priests and cardinals and clergy having dinner. I was eating and I looked over and Pope Francis was eating next to me, speaking in Italian and laughing with others at the table. He was grinning at me and his eyes were black, I could literally see every wrinkle, it was as real as reality. He began speaking to me in Italian and I could not understand him. I said, "I know what you are". He immediately grabbed me by the forearm and his touch was cold, like a freezing burn, his fingers were like iron ice grips. It hurt and I pulled back in my dream, but he got very close and began whispering in my ear in Italian. It was so real that I can remember his breathe was hot on my ear and I could feel it tickling my ear hairs. I was terrified and blurted out Jesus's name and something about getting away from me. He immediately disappeared and I could still feel the place where his fingers had been dug into my arm. I looked around saw a baby crawling quickly on the floor and saw that on the baby's body was the head of the Pope, still smiling at me. It began crawling away inbetween the legs of the people in the room. I woke up with a start and I could still feel the place where his fingers had been, it actually hurt. I stepped back from deep study after that. I still watched preachers weekly but I felt like I had to take a break from constant eschatological immersion. I prayed to God to let me focus more on just telling people about the Gospel and resting in Him. Over the last few years, again being absolutely honest, I fell away as I got back into playing rock music to make extra money, I got involved with wealthy people that were not good for me and fell into a deep period of awful sin. Something pulled me out of it in Sept 2019....I dropped everyone I had been involved with in that bad scene and I prayed for strength to totally focus on God, on my family and living for Him. The Covid stuff came to my attention in November 2019 and I watched videos from China of people supposedly falling over and dying terribly and it really scared me, and as the lockdowns began and the world has basically gone into meltdown mode, with the Davos group openly talking about the coming global reset, the possible chipping and tracking aspect of the vaccines, etc....that dream of 5/21 has come back strongly. I can't help but think, could God have been letting me know the month and year, NOT the month and day? I honestly feel like that isn't feasible, and it makes me feel ridiculous talking about it....I can't stand date setting, and I myself watched feast days very hard for a long time, and like everyone talks about here, the letdowns can be so harsh that it makes a person want to fall apart a bit. I have no idea what it means. I just wanted to share to get it out really. Regardless of what happens this year or next year and in the coming years, I feel like with everything going on, time is absolutely short. I can see a few more years for everything to kind of line up with the reset and such....but then again, someone could take over the world right now and track everyone if need be. We are right there. These peace accords will have to be CONFIRMED by the AC, and we are seeing the beginning of it. We are right there. Praying for everyone to stay safe and keep watching and not to get discouraged. :flyup: :flyup: Thank you for your story. You are not a failed Christian, at all. Pentecost 2021 is on May 21st. The Church started on Pentecost and could end on Pentecost. 21 is also a special number. 3x7. Oops, make that May 23, 2021. Dear Bfsc321, My hubby writes church music,and has for 44 years. Only a couple of pieces have been published. His style is traditional with a jazz flavor. Over the years he wrote music for his choirs, but since retirement he hasn't done much. He did tie for 1st place in an international hymn competition 3 years ago writing new music for "God of Mercy, God of Grace." But a strange thing happened with this Covid stuff. 18 years ago he started writing music for the psalms, he got up to psalm 49 and stopped do to life going crazy. Well he picked up the music and is working on finishing all 150! He is up to psalm 90 now. This music is very emotional and fits the words. Many times tears just flow down my cheeks. I truly feel I/we are in the throne room of God praising Him while he plays. Probably no one else will ever hear these tunes until we are gathered in heaven. I just wanted to share his story and encourage you to keep writing music to praise God and remember the hosts of heaven are with you here on earth as you praise Jesus. Love Lee :rose: Bsfc, to put it quite bluntly, we are all “failed” Christians, as far as human standards are concerned. For some reason humans think Christians are to be perfect but if that were even possible then there would be no need for a Savior. I’ve been walking the Christian life for over 50 years now and my trail is a mess! My record, in my opinion, is shameful! I have always dreaded the Bema Seat judgement of Christ and am quite sure I will be totally humiliated for all I have done and left undone. How many opportunities I’ve let go by where I could have participated in the expansion of Christ’s kingdom but didn’t. I cannot even remember how many years I’ve wasted in worry about the Bema Seat judgement. But here’s the thing and here’s where our faith is really amazing to me. That judgement seat (the only one that Christians will ever face) is the one where we are rewarded for what the Holy Spirit has done through us and that is an incalculable number because there are many, many things He has done through us that we don’t even realize, which is probably a good thing lest we become proud and boastful. The Christian journey is exactly that, a journey. It is a time of sanctification. For some of us, like you and me, that road may be a bit tougher than for others, being as hard headed as we are (echoing your own admission). In my long journey I finally have come to grips with what the Apostle Paul said: Romans 7:15-20 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. This doesn’t excuse our sinning and there are consequences here for the things we do even though we are forgiven, but it also helps explain why we do them. It can be very disconcerting to have to constantly grapple with this if we believe we will one day, on this earth, we will live a sinless life. We need to understand that it is something that will not happen. But that is the beauty of the Gospel! Jesus paid the wages of all of our sins. We just need to accept that. Yes, we should always strive to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord for that is our duty given the high price He has paid, but remember that our Lord loves us and will guide us through our successes and failures. He will use our situations to mold us. Sometimes those situations are difficult to bear but He is always right there to guide us through if we will let Him. How do you bend steel? You put it in a hot fire, then place it on an anvil and form it with a hammer. Not a whole lot different to the way we are transitioned away from the things we find ourselves doing. Our trials can be quite difficult, but the Holy Spirit gives us the strength to endure. The fact that you feel the way you do tells me you are simply the path of sanctification. The Holy Spirit hasn’t left you otherwise you wouldn’t care about your relationship with Jesus. It sounds easy to say “submit daily to the Lord”, and we should! But even when we fail to, He never fails us! Just keep pursuing Him! Thanks for the kind words all. I appreciate that story Lee....I hope to hear some of that music someday : ) Thanks for the wisdom, Yohanan. Hardheaded is the word for sure. Bfsc321, we ALL have failed that is what Romans 3:23 is meaning.... but thanks be to God, His steadfast love endures forever, He is long suffering to us ... as mentioned on another posting, many times it seems easier to just choose the wrong path! Can’t tell you the multitude of prayers I have sent heaven ward regarding those wrong paths! See, with God, sin is sin, there is no distinction. The blood of Christ covers sin. True we may face the consequences of our actions, but Gods mercy and grace is truly amazing. What an excellent post and replies. What I am so looking forward to is resurrection day for then I will shed this sinful nature I graple with day in and day out. I will truly be freeing! Thank you Bfsc321 for being so honest and open. Your post and the amazing replies from others really touched me this morning. Just what I needed. It seems so easy to feel like I have failed as a Christian and I too have had multiple thoughts about what I would hear at the BEMA. Thank the Lord that it is about what He did not what I have done! Amen and ditto to what Dave Lawson said!
5/21 could mean May, 2021, yeah.
We are certainly in the season, the end of the church age is at hand, I prefer today in 2020, but God says his thoughts are not our thoughts and our ways are not his ways ... He is still on the throne and very much in charge of the planet! Our job, is to stay the course, pray, watch, witness, worship! Pretty simple if you think about it. As Jack Hibbs says why should we ever worry about who we offend, just get them to Jesus, we can iron out the small stuff later, at least they may now be headed to an eternity in heaven instead of hell! Never, give up on the gifts that God gave you, it’s like the talents buried in the ground or invested! I’m way too non musical to even imagine the sensitivity of spirit you have for God loves music, look at much of the Old Testament. Praying His richest blessing on your walk as you continue to draw closer to the Father who loves you without measure. :prayer-hands:
