Any embarrassing or crazy airport/inflight stories?

Just wondering do you have any embarrassing or crazy airport/in flight stories to tell?

Here are a few that happened to me:

My first plane trip to California … 1980.  In my carry on bag I brought along 2 big bags of cheese doodles because I wasn’t sure what they would be serving on the flight. I also filled my small purse up completely with all sorts of candy bars including life savers, gum, etc. I also put in a metal alarm clock that you wind up.  I didn’t want to put it in with my luggage because I was afraid it would get broken.  Well … I get to area where you put everything on the conveyer belt and it goes through the scanner … my parents both passed free and clear and were waiting for me.  The metal detector alarm suddenly went off with this loud piercing noise and a whole bunch of security people came running over.  The security lady said … its the purse … something is in that purse!   I was so embarrassed as they emptied my purse …. candy was dumped all over on that conveyor belt and they were looking closely at my alarm clock for a while … I thought they were going to destroy it … until finally they gave me clearance.  It took a few minutes in gathering up all the candy.  I caused a delay in the line and the people in line were ticked off at me.  Then we are up in the air flying and everything is going well.  I have the aisle seat and I’m glancing over at this business man.  He’s reading the newspaper and seemed aloof.   A few minutes later I was getting hungry so I opened up my purse to get a candy bar.  I looked over and offered him one but he shook his head no.  After eating that I went for the bag of cheese doodles.  I’m munching on them and looked over at him and he is eying the bag.  I offered the bag to him and said do you want some?  But this time he smiled and refused. Then I see the stewardess coming along with the drink carts so I quickly closed up the bag of cheese doodles and put inside the carry on bag near my feet.  We were served drinks and then the meal was next.  We get our meal and not to long after that … bam … all of a sudden some wild crazy jolting turbulences started occurring … my food was literally falling off the tray and I lost my appetite to eat the meal.  I gave it to my dad to finish up.  Meanwhile my carry on bag fell over and the bag of cheese doodles had opened up and they started rolling down the aisle.  I lost the entire bagful … but I still didn’t know it until the guy across from me started laughing and said … you lost all your cheese doodles.  I said what?  He then pointed down to the aisle and I’m leaning over in my seat and see the orange curls everywhere.  It was a mess.  I tried to get up to retrieve them off the rug but the stewardess said please sit down and buckle your seat belt.  Meanwhile she is stepping on them and you hear crunch crunch.  By the time we finally got off the plane … I saw all the orange embedded stains in the blue carpet. I couldn’t wait to get off that plane!

My dad tries to get a car rental and the car rental lady asked for a major credit card.  I kid you not he hands her his Sears credit card.  The look on her face was priceless … she said is this a joke?  He said no, what’s wrong?  She said I need a major credit card, sir.  He said this is a major credit card … Sears is across the whole US and in every city.  She then said “sir, I’m looking for either American Express, Visa, or MasterCard.”  He was such a green horn  … he said oh, I don’t carry those cards … never had a need to. Fortunately she accepted travelers checks and he paid that way.  He knew as soon as he got home he had to sign up for a major cc.

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In 1994 we flew back to California this time it was San Fran Airport.  We were waiting for my brother to pick us up.  He was late and both my parents had to use the bathroom.  I stayed with all the luggage and was sitting down on one of the bags and had a sight seeing brochure I was reading.  All of a sudden this guy with a camera comes up to me and gives me his business card and says he wants to put me in a tv hair shampoo commercial.  I said no thanks.  He wouldn’t take no for an answer.  I said I’m sorry but I’m not interested, I really love my job and I’m only here for a week on vacation.  He still wouldn’t scram.  By then my brother finally walked in the door lobby and he is a body builder.  He got in shape and won the local contest by using their protein powder and doing the weights.  I said see that guy over there in the blue shirt … he’s my big brother.  I never saw somebody run away so quickly!

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Flying home on Christmas break … Greenville/Spartanburg Airport was complete fog.  All planes were grounded going North.  There was some clearance going South … so they told us to stand in this line and they wanted us to board a plane to Atlanta airport.  My friend and I were pretty much stuck at Atlanta airport for the entire day – it would have been faster to have driven home.  We saw some of the weirdest people sitting around.  A few guys had their eyes fixated on this blond who was barely dressed.  Another guy was a business man and was using his “cell” phone … looked more like a walkie-talkie or car phone … it was huge.  He kept cursing at whoever he was talking to saying he’s going to be very very late for the dinner party.  Then he kept following us around as we toured the airport.  I had to tell him this is the ladies room … you’re not allowed in here.  So he waited for us to come back out.  Then he tried to offer us drinks.  We refused.  Then they finally gave the announcement for us to stand in line to get ready to board the plane.  My friend and I were almost the last in that line.  The first in line got seated to the back of the plane.  My friend and I ended up in First Class!  Unfortunately, though guess who I got stuck next to across the aisle?   The man who was following us all day. Ugh!  I tried putting my things up in the compartment and the stewardess quickly came over to say “oh, that is my job you just sit down”.  Then they quickly gave us drinks.  Then more drinks and snacks.  It was cool seeing how the upper class were treated.  Meanwhile he kept asking personal questions that we refused to answer.   When we finally arrived at Newark airport he wanted to drive us home.  I kept saying no thanks, we have a ride that will be showing up soon.  It was weird … he wasn’t bad looking but just creepy with his forwardness.

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Flying home on Summer break from Columbia, SC airport.  My friend (not a real close one but a friend) thought to save some money by getting one way tickets from Columbia, SC to Newark, NJ. The problem was … we still needed a ride from Greenville to Columbia.  I was upset she didn’t think about that part … she was a little airhead.   So we were stuck trying for a week to find someone heading that way to hitch a ride with, that we could also trust. Finally found a decent person heading to Myrtle Beach.  He dropped us off and we paid him for the gas mileage.  Columbia airport has got to be the smallest airport in the country.  As we were sitting and snacking on something we heard this commotion near where you check in your baggage.  They first found a gun from this mean looking guy and then security showed up to frisk him and then they found a knife.   He is arguing with them and they basically said if you want to fly … you can’t have these in your possession.  We eventually were told to board the plane.  There are a few empty seats.  I didn’t want the window seat I was assigned to (my friend made that booking mistake too) so I sat in the middle seat and my friend sat in the aisle seat.  Right before they closed the doors for take off .. in comes that mean looking guy.  I said oh no … figures he’s on the same flight as us.  Then it gets worse … his ticket was the exact seat where I was sitting in.  I refused to move and said I don’t like looking out the window.  There are plenty more empty seats to choose from, please find one.  Instead he settles for the window seat besides me.  Ugh!  He starts chatting and telling us he is so upset he just had his gun and knife taken away.  So I just gave him a look.  Then he says he is going to be in sooo much trouble now because …. he’s a hired hit man and can’t fulfill the assignment.  I said pulease … I don’t want to know anything more. Stop talking to me!  I unbuckled my seat belt and stratigically sat in an uncomfortable position as I turned my back towards him.  He kept talking away though like he was in some confession booth with a priest.  I said to my friend do you have a Bible tract?  She did, so I handed it to him and said “please read this … you need Jesus.  Confess your problems and woes to Him, not to me. Thank you.” Fortunately the flight was short and we quickly got off that plane.

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Flying home on Christmas break from Greenville/Spartanburg Airport to Newark, NJ.  The flight went fine until we landed in Newark. I was retrieving my luggage from the conveyor junction and set it down on the floor and immediately some tall black guy takes my luggage and starts running off.  I’m running after him crying out you have my luggage stop, stop!  He kept running until he got to the glass front doors and puts the luggage down.  By that time I’m out of breath … and he says “I hope you will remember me?”  I said in between breaths “I most certainly will.  You almost gave me a heart attack by taking my luggage.”  He does a little chuckle and says again “well, are you going to remember me?”  I said again “Yes, you can count on it …  I will remember what you just did”.  By this time my friend arrives and says “Geri, I think he is looking for payment”.  I said “payment?!   I never asked him to carry my luggage … I don’t have any extra money … just enough for a meal at Burger King and now … I need to get a soda because I’m thirsty from running after you!”  He starts laughing … I then reached into my pockets and found some bubble gum and said “this is all I have …. take it or leave it?”   He took it and then took off to find another victim.

This is why I refuse to fly ever again …

Sooo … do you have any crazy travel stories to tell?