Boulder - I was the ministry leader and Oregon State rep for Celebrate Recovery. Since its a Christ centered recovery program you have less of the shenanagans that happen in NA and AA. Its still a 12 step program and we follow the same process - but Jesus is the center of the program. There are CR programs all over the world. Praying that you find freedom through recovery. Check out www.celebraterecovery.com Thanks Kolleen, Malissa and Kent When it rains it pours. Sheena has slept with several of my friends. Its been devastating. Panic Attacks are Full Blown. Please prayer that I might receive some grace @boulder95 Jesus died for everyone, but you gotta get that grace. Read 1Corinthians 15:3-4 and memorize it. Pray to God and Jesus and tell them that you believe those verses(1Cor 15:3-4) to be the truth. Only our Lord Jesus can give you rest. You're going through a full-on attack by the enemy to trap you in a state of anger, rejection, humiliation, condemnation, unforgiveness and bitterness. As hard as it seems right now, I strongly urge you to forgive her -- she's not the real enemy. Ask the Lord for the strength to do it. You may have to forgive her multiple times -- even daily. Find sincere Christian people who can stand by you in this difficult time. The Lord will point them out to you if you ask Him. Your battle is not against flesh and blood. Your battle is to find rest in Christ despite the circumstances. Even when you fail, know that He will never leave you or forsake you. He loves you more than you know, and He knows exactly what you are going through. Run to Him. The devil wants to take you out or at least neutralise you, but your weapons are far superior. Submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he will flee (James 4:7). I repeat, your battle is to find rest in Christ; from there everything will start to improve. You're a smart guy, Boulder, and you are a threat to the enemy. That's why the attack is so intense. Father God has amazing plans for you. Just take it day by day and stay as close to the Lord as you can. The speed of your recovery and turn-around will depend on you making a conscious decision to find rest in Him. "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". You will get to the other side. Fix your eyes and your heart on Him. We're praying for you and Father God hears our prayers. Keep going brother. Boulder- My prayers are with you. We don't know everything from the Bible, but it is a fascinating Bible. Study the Bible, not just reading. I think lesfeldick.org is an excellent Bible study. Lots of good Christian information here. Ny prayers are with you Boulder. You are and have been in my prayers, Boulder. Boulder, is it possible the Lord has brought you to this place for you to know the truth that ultimately sets you free? Is it likely God has shown you these things, to make it possible for you to choose to walk away so He can show you Another Way? Would you be willing to let go of all, and whoever satan is using to keep you down, affected and trapped? Is it possible God wants you to walk away from a painful past in order to go forward in to His design alone, for your life. This doesn't mean God deserts your family or friends. But by walking away to Him, He can deliver each one from the turmoil, heartache and merry-go-round that has kept you and them "under it," not "above it." The devil gives no life, but God gives life everlasting. He wants to bring you up and out of satans darkness, in to the sunshine of His love and blessings, where His ways are higher. A big step forward would be to choose to be released from those who've hurt you in life, past and present. We all have choices. You're not responsible for others choices, but only for yours. Let those who have affected your life to the negative, go! Pray for them, but entrust them to God where He can bring them out of the darkness too in His timing and in the way only He know's will work for them. Entrust yourself to the Lord and the walk He has for you! Choose to lay down what is behind, on order to rise up and walk with God; not looking backward. He knows what is best for you. There is so much He wants to share with you, guide you in to, give you and fill you with. He wants to remove the darkness that has overshadowed your life and joy. No one can lay down the past and choose once and for all to go forward but you. Give Him the burdens and attacks the enemy uses against you. Trust Him alone with your life ahead. Let go, let God! All those who have caused you hurt - lay them down for the Lord to take up to also heal and make whole. I believe trust and choosing to move forward is the key for you now. Trust Him for yourself, and trust Him with the lives of all others you know. Walk away and in to His arms. He will bless you as you choose Him above all others. It is ok to "walk alone," because He is there for you to lean on and rely on; giving you the strength to move further ahead after each step you take. He is the only one who knows what you need to rise above. If we try to hang on to things that destroy life, after God has exposed what hinders our lives, we may very well miss the GOOD He so desires to give to us. Our Choice is everything! And only we can individually choose to walk away from who and what is unhealthy and destroys our walk. 
