At 6:30 a.m. Easter morning 2011, my wife rushed me to the hospital because i was having chest pains and could not catch my breath. When we got out of the car and I walked towards the hospital emergency room, I looked up at the rainy cloudy sky, and felt...nothing.

I did not sense the Holy Spirit. I didn't "feel" Jesus. it was if my faith had suddenly died and I was left alone, and I truly thought I was going to die that day.

My wife dropped me off because she had to find a parking space. The nurse immediately put me into a room to see the doctor, and for the 5 minutes I waited in that hospital room alone, I had what I think others have called "a crisis of faith".

I simply could not "find Jesus". I felt empty. My mind immediately began bringing up all those stories we read about how other Christians have been in similar situations, who tell about seeing angels, hearing the voice of God, being comforted, and I thought "what is wrong with me?"

And right at that moment, I called out to Jesus in my misery and I remember distinctly saying out loud:

"Jesus, I don't know what is wrong with me, but I choose to believe in You. I choose to believe You died for me and that You are here next to me. Please forgive my lack of faith and I beg You Holy Spirit to comfort me. I will never forsake You. But I feel nothing and I'm so scared."

You see, after not sleeping for almost 3 days, having multiple health problems all converge at once, my body was shot. In that moment I had to make a decision not based upon how I "felt" at the time. Eight hours later, back home after multiple tests, MRI's, CAT scans, you name it, back home in bed, all the "feelings" came back.

Jesus HAD been there all along. Peace flowed though my body as I finally was able to drift off to sleep. My body had been so weak and battered that the "physical" me was not in sync with the "spiritual" me.

I write this because there may be some of you on the forum who don't "feel" Jesus today. While you have been faithful to Him, for some reason, your faith doesn't seem real right now. But I want you to know that it happens to almost everyone. Sometimes our earthly minds get out of sync with our spiritual selves and we cannot live our Christian lives based on feelings alone.

We have a secure and true faith. Christianity is fact based. Christ truly rose from the dead in history and Jesus is real whether we happen to "feel" Him today or not.

If you are struggling with doubt of any kind, if you feel like you are being "fake" because you don't "feel" your Christian experience like someone else, do not be discouraged! It too shall pass.

I don't think we realize just how frail and weak our physical bodies are. Look at Peter at the last supper. When Jesus told Him that He would deny Him three times, Peter laughed it off. Of COURSE, he would never deny his Lord.

But hours later, on the cold night our Lord was arrested and put on trial, a worn out, scared Peter acted in the flesh and denied his Lord. But Jesus knew ahead of time he would, and Jesus told Peter that He had prayed for him in advance. For Peter was God's child, forever, and Jesus knew that once Peter was in his right mind again, he would lead thousands to Christ and eventually die a martyr for his faith.

All of us have a choice when we find ourselves in that "i don't feel anything" position. We can give up, admit defeat, or we can CHOOSE to believe on the Lord Jesus. Even if the feelings are not there, we can be obedient to Christ by choosing to have faith that Jesus IS there and that He will work everything out for our good!

I have had so many blessings since that day a year ago. Jesus has made Himself real to me in thousands of ways. I can't explain exactly why, on that particular day, I did not "feel" my faith. But I pushed through it and came out the other side with a stronger faith.

Do not be discouraged! If you are struggling with that "nothing" feeling from time to time...it is normal. Not all of us can be a "super" Christian who never has a bad day. Most of us have our highs and our lows. The most important thing is that we make a decision to hold on Jesus, whether the feelings are there or not. It makes all the difference.

thanks for your kind words. the reason i posted this is because for us to truly be able to minister to one another, i think we should be candid and let each other know our failures as well as our successes. too many times, we see people on forums who seem to have the perfect Christian life.

they pop up from time to time, always getting words from the Lord, usually know when the rapture is going to happen, are always chipper and upbeat, and act as if they never have a bad day.

and then you have the majority of believers who have ups and downs in life and they wonder "what is wrong with ME?"

i want everyone to know that no matter how spiritual you think you are, we are all broken people who can fall and stumble at any time. no one is living the perfect Christian life.

we should love each other so much that we are willing to admit that we struggle from time to time. i know that when others open up, i am so blessed because i find that i am not the only one out there who goes through certain things.

the enemy loves to throw words of condemnation at God's children. satan whispers "you're not good enough" all the time and it's nothing but a half truth.

of COURSE, we are not good enough. we never will be good enough. it is because we recognize that we will never be good enough and have received the gift of Christ's atonement on the cross that ensures our eternal life. i can do "nothing" good to keep my salvation. my eternal soul is saved not by me attaining some sort of "spiritual perfection", but because Jesus paid the price for my sin, and "He" is perfect, giving me the gift of His righteousness.

i pray that we all bask in sunlight of this truth. Jesus has paid it all. there is nothing we can do to earn or keep our salvation. and when we struggle, when we have a bad day, we need not go into panic mode and allow satan to cause us to worry and fret.

to know that one is eternally saved can motivate us to holiness, to be bold, to stand unafraid. i receive strength to do what is right because i know where i am headed for eternity.

to sit in the arms of Jesus..... there is not a safer place in the universe. and Jesus is waiting for everyone to receive this blessed blessed gift!

I know many Christians wear masks of being happy and perfect, but are just miserable on the inside. I am so far from perfect that I cannot even see it in the distance, but I know that whatever I am lacking, Jesus will provide for me. When I lack wisdom, He gives abundantly. When I lack strength, I lean on Him. I know how hard it is to open up and share a personal story with people. I shared that I was saved the day before Harold Camping's prediction that the end of the world was here. Not just the rapture happening, I thought it was the literal last day the world would survive. I had never heard of the rapture before, so I just prayed and I wasn't even asking to be saved (at least not with my mouth). I was just thanking God for the life I had lived and for all the blessings I have had. It just seemed wrong for me to ask for forgiveness at the last minute (not even thinking about the thief on the cross). I felt so undeserving to ask, but God knew my heart and He saved me. I have been changed and continue to grow ever since then. I think we all have some personal story to tell that is embarrassing, but it may be that sharing, regardless of how it makes us uncomfortable to tell, will help others through their problems. I would rather be uncomfortable, emotionally, in order to help someone (anyone even if it was just one) than to be stoic and help no one. Hang in there. We are so close to the finish line and the devil is working hard trying to tire us out before we get there. Let us all persevere and endure until the end. We are almost home.

Love
YBIC

"The nurse immediately put me into a room to see the doctor, and for the 5 minutes I waited in that hospital room alone...."
Your crisis of faith occurred during while you were experiencing a miracle. The ER got you in a room immediately and you only waited 5 minutes for a doctor? That doesn't happen anywhere I've been.

Thank you for your post. We perceive so little that God has done in our lives and is currently doing for us and in us that to rely on our feelings is truly not a good idea. Like having a blind person read a map to navigate you.

Jasper, first of all, my heart goes out to you struggling with physical problems on a daily basis. I can relate to that.

Secondly, I admire you very much. Your strong faith, tenacity in difficult circumstances, compassion for others, and your love for Jesus just shines through in all of your posts.

Third, you described my life on a daily basis when you shared with us about your "crisis of faith", not feeling Jesus, His Presense, or His peace during one of the most difficult times in your life. I wake up with emptiness every morning, and it's extremely difficult for me to pray because it feels like my prayers don't go farther than the ceiling. The best time in my day is the night-time, knowing that the day is behind me. I've learned not to rely on my emotions, and live my life with loneliness, putting one foot in front of the other. I do feel His peace, though, and the ability to keep going. So in that sense, I do "feel" Jesus, just not the way the rest of you do by feeling His love. It's not very often that I feel that. But I do feel His compassion for others, though.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us, Jasper. I really love your posts, and they minister to me very much. Bless you, dear brother.

Lisa, I just read your post. I had a problem with that for years myself. I so much wanted to experience Gods love in a real and tangeable way. Please let me recommend what helped me.

A brother in the Lord (now deceased) has many books written about the Fathers love. I knew Jack personally, when he was living and he was a truly anointed teacher in the Father love. The website for the ministry he started is http://www.shilohplace.org . His wife, Trisha is still there and ministers all across the United States and other countries, as well.

This ministry helped me tremendously. If you check it out, I believe you will find it helpful as well. I enjoy getting to know my "Daddy" more and more every day and experiencing His love in my life, after not having that for so many years.

What a moving post Jasper Dale and all ~ RITAN is so blessed~! I love you bro's and sis's!

This thread reminds me from the Scriptures even David who was assured He'd be the next King of Israel, at times, felt alone, really alone, especially when he saw his enemies about to overtake him

We're blessed to have God's Word, and can 'see' from hind-sight the LORD never left David ~~

. . Jesus is Mighty with His Winged protection never leaving us, no matter our feelings, huh

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. . . "John 16:33

I remember 40 years ago when my ex husband instantly walked out, no warnings, he just left me and my children and never returned. I literally went into shock, my emotions overwhelmed me, and for a year tears every day, til none was left, my world was upside down ~~ where was Jesus? I felt so utterly deserted and alone, left with my 3 little precious children aged 6, 5, and 2. I had no job, how could it get worse? On top of that, through that year, I did 'sense' the Spirit, say, "forgive your husband" . . how unnatural was that? I felt so drained.

. . certainly not a road I'd volunteer for . . Christ will have His way in the midst of trials over His children.

Thankfully even when we cry out to our Creator God, and 'feel' nothing, He proves He's there, ~~~ He holds us despite our feelings and finite fragile minds .. we need Jesus so!

Our very Lord Himself chose to hide His Glory and Deity, walking in full surrender to His Father ~~~ what perfect humility our God displayed so worthy of our trust and faith and worship~~

Donna: "Thankfully even when we cry out to our Creator God, and 'feel' nothing, He proves He's there . ."

Yes, ma'am. He sure does. I can attest to that absolutely! He has delivered my soul from many torments and my body from physical death so many, many times. I have a "dramatic" walk with Him, but I think I bring it on myself. I just can't leave His word alone and "compromise" with the "norm" or the "easier". I am compelled to press on, press in and discover as much about His truths as I can this side of heaven. There is SO much to living the Christian life and I don't wanna miss nothin'!!!!!!

2 Cor. 12:10 "Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

I tell everyone when I see Jesus face to face, I imagine He may have His arms folded giving me that "look" with a loving grin on His face and shaking His head. :)

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

NeedleMe and all... I used to think Paul the Apostle was on crack when he penned those words! Like, "Whaaat? Aren't believers supposed to live problem and care free?" It's taken many of the Lord's bringing me to the ends of myself to understand and even embrace Paul's words now (Okay, so maybe "embrace" might be too optimistic a word for me in this case!). But I've grown and am growing to embrace that truth, that as we die to ourselves and our needs and wants, that we see Christ as our greatest gain. And as the post testifies, along with many others here on Ritan, there is much empathy spread around and shared with one another, that is such a great encouragement.

I love how this community is so encouraging and loving and filled with hope and NEVER gives up :D.

Having tangibly felt a mere little fraction of God's love myself, on more than one occasion, well I'm convinced anyway, it is hard to push my desire for that away, it was so amazing, I don't think we know what we're in for. But I do understand that if God continued doing this to us that we would simply go mad for him, I suppose we'll just have to wait. I can remember when the very first time I was on fire for him and so desperate for about half a second I felt the most loving hug filled with hope ever. He shows little bits of himself here and there to me, for example a still small voice and as of recently beams of light. I do understand that the enemy is a master of using feelings against us but I must say that I am learning right now to not go by my feelings, I'm talking to God every night because I simply love him and share everything with him, and I do not care what I feel because I know that he is there and loves me and the same goes for everyone else here. It gives me real hope to know when he is even there in moments of crisis where we think doom is falling upon us and we are alone but I have no doubt that he is there.

I also feel so secure in my salvation thanks to people clearing that up here, and being so encouraging

I'm thinking how Christ's beloved Apostle Paul left on his "Mediteranian Cruise" expressing his own and alone bon voyage going to Jerusalem unafraid!

his reception at his arrival amidst the circumsized Jews hearing the good news? ~~~ a beating ~~ still he was unafraid, saying: ~~

"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference". . Romans 3:22

Needle me, thanks again for the link to Jack Frost ministries. I just finished reading the story about finding the Father's embrace. What an amazing testimony! I'm looking forward to reading the other stories.

Tx Thom, after reading your reaction to Jack Frost's voice, I just have to find a video of his to see what you're talking about.

TX Thom » I just know God's going to put me next to him at the banquet table now.... Perhaps by then I'll figure out why his speech inflection bugs me so much.

I'm cracking up! Oh, yeah, I can see that. The Lord definitely has a sense of humor. I'll share an example of His humor into my own life.

I remember once around 20 years ago, I was going through a series of trials, and I was allowing myself to indulge in some rare moments of self pity. I decided to invite Him to join me in my misery. I told Him, "I'm having a pity party, Lord, would You like to join me?" I heard Him answer me back strong in my mind, and He said, "Sure, I love parties!" Then a picture came into my mind as clear as day of Jesus feverously playing a violin, with an angel standing beside Him singing, "Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life, at Last I Found You...." Seriously, I started laughing out loud, because the Lord knows my quirky sense of humor and He knew that would put a smile on my face. I started to feel better instantly, and I felt so touched that the Lord cared about me so much that He wanted to lift my spirits by that outrageous humor. If anyone else would have done that when I was so miserable, I would have been very hurt, thinking they were mocking me and minimizing my pain. But not Him. He knew that I needed to laugh. I will always love Him for that.

His voice really isn't that bad. It just ... bugs me. It might be because he puts a LOT of emotional emphasis into his speaking. I don't want to put anyone off of him or his teaching. But I had to listen to six or seven hours of it. Good stuff intellectually. I think there must have been someone else in my life who sounded similar to him. I hope it isn't myself. That would be too Freudian.

Thank you, Donna, something simple like Jesus loves Me...what an excellent reminder!

JD -- Thanks for the post. For me, sometimes I just feel like I am wandering in the desert. So thirsty for the Lord and so sick of my own sin.

Donna and VC -- Just last night I was dreaming. I was fighting something I could not see with a weapon in my hand, but the weapon was invisible as well. I kept swinging and swinging, but was blocked everytime. Finally, exhausted, I stopped trying to fight and just started singing "Jesus loves me this I know". I could feel myself getting stronger as I kept singing. And whatever the presence was merely disappeared. Reminded me to have the faith and trust of a little child.

TX Thom, Lisa, and needle me -- You guys crack me up. Our Father has to have a sense of humor to create a hippo. Or what about the armadillo?

TX Thom, as a native born Texan I am quite fond of the animal ambassador of the Republic of Texas. The armadillo is a true Texan; quirky, unique and an extremely good sleeper!

Thank you for this encouraging thread.

If I can bring a smile to a face, joy to a heart, and some coffee spit to a keyboard, then my job is done.