Hello all friends. Just wanted to talk a little about how I have been feeling these last couple of weeks. I have been really studying the bible and going to church, really thinking about Jesus all day. I try to live right but I have this one person that has done horrible things to me and even though I "say" that I have forgiven her and move on when I see her I just lose my temper! My blood pressure goes up and I get furious. This happened this weekend and I said some horrible things. :0( Anyway afterwords I felt horrible. I prayed for forgiveness and to take the anger out of my heart. I am scared that because I feel like I do and the hate is not truly gone that I will be left behind. :0( My husband is not saved, therefore my children will not go to church with me because they stay home with him. None of my friends are saved and I go to church alone. All my husband's friends come to the house every weekend and they drink and drink and I am so tired of it. I don't know what to do and sometimes I feel alone. I even went out this weekend something I NEVER do and drank with him. WELL can you say I messed up my witness!!! The sad part about it is that my husband was so proud that I went. The next morning I told him that will never happen again!!!! I prayed for forgiveness because the Lord was really dealing with me about going out and being so angry at this person. How do you truly know that I have forgiven her? Or myself for messing up my witness? :0(
So anyway I prayed all day yesterday and when I woke up this morning I prayed again. While I was praying a strange thought just popped into my head. The thought was this...a fireball or meteorite could hit Israel or Syria and the other country might think it was an act of war and start a war?????? Why would I think this? I pray for peace and the Lord's forgivness...I really think that D is messing with me.... I told my husband I was sorry for going out it was wrong....thanks for listening.