It was a typical day with a modest amount of sunshine streaming through my kitchen window with an edge of a well defined cloud blocking one part of the Sun's surface and making the atmosphere still appear bright and full of sharp outlines on the surrounding environment-in other words another boring Norman Rockwell day was in store for my gated well to do neighborhood!!
I had just finished drinking the last sip of cereal milk at the bottom of my mixer bowl when all of a sudden the earth began to shake under my table and made the mixer bowl just fly out of my hands and hit the garbage disposal switch on the wall next to the sink and woke Scarby my pet dog up who was in the living room trying to recover from the gastric disturbances that kept him up all night after that late trip to Taco Bell and the consumption of one of their Mega-Britches Blaster Burritos!!
Scarby was trying to go to sleep by watching the old TV shows which this one cable network was having an all nighter marathon going with the Leave It To Beaver programs!
I guess with the Wally and Beaver show running all night and Scarby going in and out of consciousness and then this mild to moderate earthquake taking place in our neighborhood; just added to the lucid dream with which Scarby soon related to me once he came to the kitchen table with his eyes wired shut with matted sleep!!
This is the Wally and The Beaver Dream that Scarby shared with me the other day which once you here it you will most likely have an amazed look on your face, as if to say, for this you wasted a good 15 minutes of my life?!!!
This is the Wally and The Beaver Dream:
The Beaver: Gee Wally when I get older I am not going to have kids so as just to make them mind and do their homework; instead I am gonna let them miss school any day's they want and let them go outside on snow days and throw snowballs at Miss Flanders old porch swing!!
Wally: Listen here you little runt! If you let your kids do what ever they want then they will grow up to be just like Eddie Haskell-and you know how messed up he is on all kinds of his parents medications!!
The Beaver: Gee Wally when you mentioned Eddie and his drug addiction to his parents medications everything came into sharp focus-I just decided I most likely will not have kids-I don't want any of them turning out to be another Eddie Haskell!!
June Cleaver: Wally and the Beav!!! Boys come on down dinner is ready-and make sure you wash your hands and don't touch any brass doorknobs on the way down!
The Beaver: Wally why doesn't our mom want us not to touch any brass doorknobs on the way down!
Wally: If you knew anything about microbiology you dimwit you would know that the dirtiest object in the house is the doorhadles-so wipe your nose off Beav and wash those hands and stick your shirttail in-what do you want mom and dad to think that they raised a tramp from the alley out back!
The Beaver: I could have gone all evening Wally without hearing that snide remark!!
Wally: Save it for the courtroom trail date Beav!!!!
The Beaver: Wally where are you coming up with these wiseguy remarks like this which in the 60's I have never heard before in my life!
Wally: I'm not writting the material or the lines Beav some future smart punk is making me say these words against my will-go figure!!!
(With everyone now at the dinner table there is a sudden shaking happening underfoot-the Cleaver family experiences a mild to moderate earthquake)
Ward Cleaver: Well boys it looks like you both have freshened up and now look very presentable in mixed company!!
The Beaver: Dad what do you mean by mixed company?
Ward Cleaver: Why of course Beav I meant those guests we have who are not famil--------Ohhhhhh!! What isssss going onnnnnn in hereeeee!!!!
June Cleaver: It's a tornado hitting the house everybody drop and roll and head for the basement!
Wally: Mom grab ahold of your gravity belt! There are no tornadoes in the month of November so cool your jets and hose off your emotions!
The Beaver: Mom there Wally goes again talking in that futuristic language!!
June Cleaver: Ward what do you suppose caused that earthquake in this ever quiet neighborhood!!
Ward Cleaver: I'm not sure honey but I do believe I soiled myself in my crotch area!!
(Both Wally and The Beaver try to contain their laughter but the giggling is almost too much to surpress by these mere young mortals)!
Wally: Now that the shaking has subsided I do believe I know what caused this occurrance everybody!! It was caused by a 188 day pattern earthquake theory that some guy in the future came up with and the next one is suppose to happen 188 days from now around the time when school starts again-which is something I would rather not think about!
The Beaver: Wally how do you know this guy from the future since we haven't been there yet!!
Wally: Listen Beav! I here things and I saw this ugly looking dog named Scarby and he gave me this research paper in my sleep and then he hopped into a time capsule and went out like a sha-bang through a wormhole of time and space!!
The Beaver: And Just think Wally I was accusing Eddie Haskell of taking his parents medications to stabilize his emotions!! You're way beyond where Eddie is!!
Ward Clever: Now boys lets not have any contentious arguements going on in the Cleaver household!!
(Just then the doorbell rings and June Cleaver gets up from the dinner table to answer the door)
June Cleaver: I wonder who that could be at this time of the evening we never get company after the sun goes down!
Eddie Haskell: Greetings Mrs. Cleaver--My how lovely you look under the glare of the full moon and against the backdroop of the well lighted porch!!
June Cleaver: Oh, it's you Eddie--what are you doing here at this time of night?
Eddie Haskell: I just had to run over here Mrs. Cleaver to see if any of my boys were hurt after that sudden earthquake shook up the neighborhood and rattled some windows and knocked some canned goods off my panty shelf!
Wally: Just you never mind Eddie!! It was just a mild tremor and not the type that goes below the subduction zone creating a tsumni effect from the tetonic fissures resonating against the other surrounding plate tetonics!!
Eddie: My, My, I can see by your words, my fellow Watson, that you have been reaching into the medicine cabinet of my parents again!!!
The Beaver: Mom and Dad I told you Wally is getting this stuff from some future time traveller named Scarby or something-he's beginning to freak me out!!!
Wally: In the future Beav it's get your freak on!!! Not Freak me out--you'll see!!!
Ward Cleaver: These boys nowadays who can understand them!!!!!