I tried to dedicate this story earlier to our belated friend Andy Griffith but time has a way a chopping down your thought weeds!!
It was a clean and humid day of 100 plus heat in this little midwestern town of mine called Blackendecker, Kansas; and the weeds were so dry that if you stepped on them they would crunch and turn to powder!
Well besides the heat wave and dry weather another drought sign was taking place out back with my dog Scarby trying to lure any creeping thing on the ground into his small glue trap that he made with a thin piece of plywood and a stick with Elmers glue on the tip to apply the glue to the board so that the animal or insects legs would get stuck if coming into contact with the trap-fortunately the weather was so hot that the only thing getting stuck to Scarby's glueboard was his tongue-that fool is a sucker for licking Elmer's glue on a stick!
I motioned to Scarby that it was time to put away this crazy trap idea and come into the house and set down on the rug for our weekly TV Land time at the Home show theater!
It looks like this week we will be watching reruns of the old Andy Griffith Show with Don Knotts and Little Opey!!
Both Scarby and myself were aware of the recent death of the wonderful actor Andy Griffith and as Scarby was tearing up over each old episode; he got the idea to maybe see if he could go back in time and try to help Andy Taylor live a longer and healthier life into the future!
So Scarby suddenly ran to the basement door and went downstairs to the coin operated washer machine, which is the vehicle machine used to transport him through time and history; and he hopped into the barrel and pushed the button for the spin cycle and away he went at a high rate of speed around and around until he became a puff of static energy and was then transported into the past to the location of his present midset or to the time when TV land was not in reruns!
Scarby had on his mind the Andy Griffith Show and of course the time period he was to time travel to was onto the set of this popular TV program when it was being filmed and just at the point in time when all the characters were on the set and ready for the actual filming of the TV show!
Scarby appeared in the courthouse where no one was around but he heard a bunch of people applauding his sudden appearance-he soon found out that this was a taped recording of a live audience clapping and then he knew that these shows were not real but made up!!
I well let Scarby tell the rest of the story!
Scarby: Here I am in Mayberry, USA! This actually turned out to be a real town with real people and now I am in the real courthouse! Whippety-WOW!!
Barney Fife: Hey Andy I just got finished sweeping the back room of all those roaches that Opey brought in from those tomato sacks that came from Miss Whackpepper's garden-aH! Andy? You aren't Andy stranger!!
Scarby: No I am not Andy Taylor but I am a stranger in town! I come from Kansas and I am here from the future and I need to warn Sherriff Andy of the dangers from drinking the Big Gulp Beverage!
Barney Fife: The Big Gulp? Could you tell me again what a Big Gulp is-the only thing Mayberry carries is the common soda fountain drink Seven Up and Pepsi Cola!
Scarby: Barney you see in the future the world will be addicted to Corn Syrup and size 28 ounce cups of Soft Drinks which will shorten everyones lifespan!
Barney Fife: Don't you think you are preaching to the choir there little guy- we here in Mayberry don't have drinking glasses larger then 8 ounces and the only sweentener we add to our soda fountain drinks is table sugar so put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Scarby: That's another thing that will shorten your lifespan in the future-pipe tobacco!
Barney Fife: Speaking of smoking pipes here comes Sherriff Andy Taylor now-I hope you have some identification for showing up at his courthouse unannounced and all of a sudden- like without even having a key to get through the door?!
Scarby: It's ok Deputy Barney the message I bring will be brief and then I will stop and see Aunt Bee and Opey before I leave town-I can't wait to try Aunt Bee's homemade apple pie and use Opey's sling shot to take down a troublesome crow near the berry patch!
Barney Fife: For a stranger you sure do know more then you lead on about Sherriff Taylor's family and home life-I want some ID now!
Scarby: Will a ATM Card do ya? Oh there he is right now! Hey Andy Taylor howse it going with the crime rate in Mayberry this year?
Andy Taylor: Excuse Me? I believe I don't know who you are little dog fella; and what you are talking about-it says here on this plastic card that you are a Bank member and there is this strange dark strip on the back of this hard plastic and I have no way of knowing if this is legetimate or fake ID!
Scarby: Believe you me Sherrif Andy Taylor I know more about you then you know about yourself-from reruns of your TV show about Mayberry!
Andy Taylor: Reruns! What in tarnation do you mean by that-we are taping live shows here in Hollywood; the reruns don't happen until the film season is finished at the end of the year; and for your information stranger there is no crime in Mayberry except the act of crime you committed by entering my courthouse without permission and without a special key to open the lock!
Scarby: I'm terrible sorry Sherriff Andy Taylor but I was sent from the future to warn you to stay away from the Big Gulp drinking beverage as it will shorten your life and cause you to leave us in the year of 2012!!
Andy Taylor: You mean to tell me and my deputy that you is here from the future and that I is going to die from drinking a Big Gulp sody pop in the year of 2012? That is more nonsense then anyone here can shake a stick at-don't you think stranger?!
Scarby: I knew you wouldn't believe me Sherriff Andy Taylor or even you Deputy Barney Fife so that is why I brought along a picture of both of you starring in a Matlock TV show together during the 80's and I brought an empty Big Gulp cup so to let you know that when you get to your later years to stay away from a drink that comes in a containter this size and to just drink plenty of water and stay away from canned spam!!
Opey Taylor: Hey Pa and high Barney! How did you like those tomatoes I brought by earlier from Miss Whackpeppers garden? I stopped by the soda fountain store and ordered a drink in these extra large glasses the store manager got in the other day! They hold more of my favorite pop now! I don't have to ask for any more refills!!!
Scarby: Wait a minute! Sherriff Andy Taylor did I just here your son Opey say that he doesn't need to get any more refills now?
Andy Taylor: Yes, I believe you did stranger! It did sound like he said something about refills on the soda pop!
Scarby: It appears this whole trip I made in my time travel was totally a washout! It seems that with the freedom of choice that people have that even without having a shorten lifespan from drinking Big Gulps; they can still drink too much pop and coke and Pepsi and Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper by just ordering refills!!!
Andy Taylor: Mountain Dew? How Can you drink rain that falls on country grass? Well, anyways, how you getting back home stranger? You want my deputy Barney to give you a ride out to the next town where you can board a bus to your destination?!
Scarby: No thanks Sherrif Andy and Deputy Barney and Opey! I guess I will just head straight east until I find a place where there is a machine that turns clockwise at a high speed and then it will catapult me back into the future from where I came from-it's been great hangin' out with you folks on the Mayberry film set here in Hollywood; but I must go back to the future and get a meal from Taco Bell cause I am hungrier then a box of termites thrown onto a pile of dry lumber!
Andy Taylor: I don't believe I have ever heard the name Taco Bell before-is that a bell they ring when the tacos are ready for mealtime?
Scarby: Not really Andy Taylor! It's more like a meal you go to when a Bell goes off inside you that tells you that you should go the other way and not head toward the border!!!
Scarby: So long Mayberry and Goodbye Sherriff Andy Taylor you gave all of us many good memories and now you can rest in peace knowing that your life gave others soo much entertainment and laughs!